I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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