Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
