we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We were destined to go to rehab together
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize