I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
