hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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