I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
