I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
