i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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