Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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