Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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