She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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