I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
