i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
