textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
