Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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