I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He shit in the fireplace
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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