Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
