YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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