just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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