Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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