made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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