She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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