I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why are your pants in the freezer?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
