my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
