i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
