**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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