Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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