told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
