His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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