halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
