Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
