he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
