hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
