nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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