I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love having hate sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
