apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
