if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
