Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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