My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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