oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
