Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
