I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We are all done wearing pants today
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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