Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
