Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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