i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
