And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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