i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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