I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
