I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
