Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
