O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
