I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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