she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
