Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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