I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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