put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
sex in a hospital.. check
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
