Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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