You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
