I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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