is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sarcasm needs its own font
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
