Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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