why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
