So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
