I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
