Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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