I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
