are you so shy because you have an std?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
