***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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