You're my little dorito
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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