You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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