Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

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  (586): I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market http://tfl.nu/4otb
  Replies (1) Good night (920) Bad night (1017)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?

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  (207): I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend? http://tfl.nu/xxqb
  Replies (49) Good night (1027) Bad night (3003)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR

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  (804): no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR http://tfl.nu/vnpf
  Replies (10) Good night (993) Bad night (5285)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.

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  (512): I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah. http://tfl.nu/atyf
  Replies (22) Good night (4739) Bad night (920)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

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  (804): I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store http://tfl.nu/eac9
  Replies (10) Good night (8010) Bad night (892)
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  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

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  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (2000) Bad night (5900)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

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  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (40) Good night (12780) Bad night (1552)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.

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  (312): my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer. http://tfl.nu/1z92
  Replies (6) Good night (1198) Bad night (586)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee

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  (717): dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee http://tfl.nu/bnsi
  Replies (10) Good night (540) Bad night (1000)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?

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  (406): bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok? http://tfl.nu/2iym
  Replies (14) Good night (591) Bad night (1353)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night

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  (701): I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night http://tfl.nu/x7bo
  Replies (1) Good night (328) Bad night (539)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  You've ruined popcorn for me.

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  (240): This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave. (1-240): You've ruined popcorn for me. http://tfl.nu/2sk4
  Replies (7) Good night (958) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.

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  (313): He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over. (313): I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked. http://tfl.nu/vnqs
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.

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  (918): Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have. http://tfl.nu/nuc7
  Replies (0) Good night (232) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.

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  (812): Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me. http://tfl.nu/oqrx
  Replies (0) Good night (249) Bad night (394)

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