This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?