she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize