i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.