I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
