So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
