Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
