I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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