I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize