There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
