I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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