I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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