clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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