Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
