can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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