I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This baby is an asshole
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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